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Army Specialist Adam Ross Staton, born May of 1986, in Charlottesville, Virginia.<\/p>\n
Adam served his country proudly and spent time in the combat zone as an Infantryman.<\/p>\n
He was an amazing father and touched many lives.<\/p>\n
SPC Adam Staton lost his battle on May 19, 2014. He was 28 years old.<\/p>\n
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Shared from Carry the Wounded:<\/a><\/p>\n ‘He never left my side:’ Spouse torn between saving her family, her husband and his career<\/em><\/p>\n “Mere moments into her first conversation with him, she was overcome with a peaceful bliss.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI knew the day I met him,\u201d said Amber Staton, reminiscing about her introduction to 18-year-old Adam Ross Staton, whom she eventually fell in love with and married. \u201cHe never left my side from that minute.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Even more convincing, Adam also had won over Amber\u2019s son, who had shown himself to be comfortable with only one other man \u2013 his grandfather, said Amber.<\/em><\/p>\n Adam was the \u201cmost easygoing person I ever met,\u201d said Amber, \u201ca person everyone liked.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n That endearing personality, however, was not present when Adam returned from a year-long deployment to Kuwait in 2009. He was distant, preoccupied and lacked the persona that endeared him to so many, said Amber. Adam\u2019s troubled mental state eventually forced him out of the Army and precipitated a separation from his wife and two kids.<\/em><\/p>\n Although they lived apart, the two Fredericksburg natives talked on a regular basis. One morning after working the overnight shift at a hotel in 2014, Amber went home and retired with a sense of uneasiness after not receiving a call from her husband; the feeling one gets when something has happened to a loved one.<\/em><\/p>\n What she felt was grounded in truth.<\/em><\/p>\n Amber was awakened to the sound of a buzzing cellphone, and the subsequent gloomy message delivered by her brother-in-law.<\/em><\/p>\n Adam had ended his life. He left a voice message recorded during the throes of his decisive action, expressing love for family members while dealing them the most crushing blow.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cMy whole world just went numb,\u201d recalled a sniffling Amber. \u201cI didn\u2019t know what to think or do, or who to call or how to tell the kids.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Adam\u2019s decision brought to a close a tumultuous five-year period marked by family strife and instability.<\/em><\/p>\n It also birthed in Amber feelings of guilt and thoughts of reflective contemplation. Perhaps, most surprisingly, Adam\u2019s death became the impetus to spare others the paralyzing devastation of losing a loved one.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI want to help other people,\u201d said Amber, who recently earned a two-year degree in social work. \u201cEventually, I want to become a licensed clinical social worker and help people through crises.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Amber\u2019s crisis began with her husband\u2019s 2008 deployment to Kuwait. He was assigned to the 7th Sustainment Brigade at Joint Base Langley-Eustis. Its mission was to provide logistics support in a country that acted as a staging base for coalition combat activities in Iraq and Afghanistan.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe seemed great,\u201d Amber said, recalling the mood of her husband prior to his first deployment. \u201cHe was sad to go but excited to serve his country.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n While her husband was away, Amber said she kept in touch with him via Skype. He didn\u2019t talk much about his particular job \u2013 only that it involved \u201csecurity things,\u201d she recalled.<\/em><\/p>\n Amber eventually noted some stress in her husband, and the fact he began to argue about things they never bickered about. Questions such as \u201cWhom were you with?\u201d and \u201cWhere were you when I called?\u201d would launch him into intense diatribes.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI played it off as being far apart from each other,\u201d said Amber.<\/em><\/p>\n As if her husband\u2019s issues were not enough, Amber essentially had her own as a single mom. She began to cultivate her role as a superwoman, someone who could cook, clean and tend to the kids \u2013 all in a single bound. And she full-well required a cape. Her 6-year-old was quite active and her special needs toddler eventually became wheelchair-bound and required a load of support services. For her, it was important to maintain the image of control, strength and authority.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI had to show them I was strong enough to conquer this,\u201d she said, noting she shed tears on many nights from the weight of her responsibilities and leaned heavily on family and friends for support. \u201cThis was just one year; we can get through it, and we\u2019ll be fine.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Amber said she also put on a positive face with Adam. \u201cHe had enough going on, and I didn\u2019t want him to worry,\u201d she said.<\/em><\/p>\n Adam redeployed in August of 2009. The family went on a Disney cruise to celebrate. That\u2019s when something jumped out at Amber.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe was drinking more and drinking in front of our kids,\u201d she said, noting they had both vowed they would abstain from such behavior. She later dismissed his actions as transitional.<\/em><\/p>\n When the vacation ended and the family returned home, things were different. The Staton household was Amber\u2019s domain. She had become quite independent in running the home, mastering schedules and routines with a high degree of precision. Adam struggled to integrate himself into the flow of things.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe started spending less time with us,\u201d said Amber. \u201cHe just wanted to be alone and play his PlayStation.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n She gave him his space.<\/em><\/p>\n Adam\u2019s relationship with his family wasn\u2019t improving, however, and the bickering evolved into something greater. \u201cI think I knew something was off at that point,\u201d recalled Amber.<\/em><\/p>\n An acknowledgement of their troubles moved Amber to sign up for a chaplain-sponsored marriage retreat in late 2009. \u201cHe thought it was a great idea,\u201d she said of her husband, but it went horribly wrong. They argued during the occasion and then returned home where it got worse, causing one of the neighbors to notify police.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThey called me in, and I played it off,\u201d she said. \u201cI didn\u2019t want him to get into trouble.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Aside from Amber\u2019s reluctance to alert authorities, She said Adam was in a place in which he could not accept responsibility for his actions. \u201cHe wouldn\u2019t admit anything,\u201d she said, noting \u201ceverything was my fault.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Still thinking like someone who wanted to save her family while simultaneously working to preserve her husband\u2019s career, Amber decided to contact Military OneSource, a Department of Defense program that offers a plethora of services for military members and families. It led to free counseling sessions at a private practice.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe went twice and didn\u2019t want to do it anymore,\u201d she said, noting Adam did it to appease her \u201cbecause he knew I wouldn\u2019t let up\u201d in light of the recent events.<\/em><\/p>\n Adam\u2019s estranged behavior continued even through the death of Amber\u2019s mom in early 2010. The couple was separated on several occasions due to the constant turmoil and the emotional blows it inflicted upon the children, especially the oldest, who played out much of what he saw between his parents.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe became aggressive and (eventually) got kicked out of school,\u201d said Amber of her son who was 8 at the time.<\/em><\/p>\n Still, Adam became worse. He threatened to commit suicide later in 2010 and was admitted to a hospital but released a short time later. His command directed all the firearms be removed from the couples\u2019 on-post residence.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cIt scared me because I knew then he was not in his right state of mind,\u201d said Amber, now the caretaker for her heavily medicated husband who was still a threat to himself. \u201cHe was never the same again,\u201d she remembered.<\/em><\/p>\n Amber was at a crossroads. She was exhausted from the strains of her relationship and the demands of running a household. She also was dealing with medical issues of her own, nonetheless, she didn\u2019t feel right abandoning her husband.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHonestly, I did love him and I didn\u2019t want the kids to not have their daddy,\u201d she said.<\/em><\/p>\n She stayed.<\/em><\/p>\n In late 2012, Amber said the situation became unbearable. She \u2018snuck off\u2019 while Adam was at work and moved to Northern Virginia to live with her father. During phone conversations, he would often ask her when they could live together again. She was tired of making sacrifices.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cYou have to be willing to get help,\u201d Amber said she told him. \u201cHe would say, \u2018Oh, I\u2019ll get it,\u2019 but he never did.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n In May of 2013, Adam was discharged from the Army. He moved in with a relative in Northern Virginia and saw his kids as much as he could. After her father passed away, Amber moved to Petersburg to cut costs. They continued to talk regularly.<\/em><\/p>\n Adam moved to South Carolina roughly a year later to live with another relative, said Amber. Having held and lost several jobs, it was apparent he was still having problems.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cI could tell he was still depressed,\u201d she said. \u201cWe would talk on the phone for hours because I was working the night shift at a hotel.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n During a visit to Petersburg in May of 2014, Adam took his family out for dinner. Amber held out hope her husband would be better but in actuality his decline was further along than she imagined.<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cHe had no emotion,\u201d she recalled. \u201cHe was just numb.\u201d Amber looked to her husband for reassurance. \u201cEverything\u2019s all right,\u201d Adam said, a sure sign he lacked the power to gauge his own condition much less accept it.<\/em><\/p>\n
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Specialist Adam Ross Staton, US Army<\/p>\n